I flew to Atlanta today, seat 17F of an Airbus 319, and observed a couple of things:
For the first time since United hit their bankruptcy, the understaffing was apparent. While doing the self-service check for Premiers, there was one person for every five or so counters. No way for that person to – in a timely fashion – handle the bags and issues for all those people before queues begin to spin up. If they were smart, they’d limit the number of self-service machines that are open so people don’t just stand there waiting for some dude to never arrive.
There was an entire juvenile team of martial artists who boarded the plane prior to the boarding announcement. No big deal – especially as they were mostly minors in need of escorts. What is really funny was to watch the first class and programmed frequent flyers get their nose turned up in a snit. What was a big deal was when I boarded the plane, this group – who was taking up the last four rows or so of the plane – had managed to store all of their luggage from the rear up to row 17! It didn’t seem that any of them managed to check any of their luggage and instead felt that the overhead space between rows 17 and 28 was inherently theirs. Fortunately for me, I just had my backpack and could throw it under the seat in front of me (mind you, the airlines now consider the seat in front of you to be your primary storage location. Those overhead bins? Why, they’re secondary storage, of course!) Unfortunately for lots of other folks, they really didn’t have room to store their carry ons in the “secondary” location, which resulted in bags having to be gate checked and slowing down our departure.
For once, I had a very attractive woman sit next to me in seat 17E. This was a welcome change, though when she sat down she managed to throw her used snot rag onto my back pack that was under the seat in front of me. It was quite an awkward moment for both of us, as she couldn’t reach it and I wasn’t about to touch it. What is even more interesting is the guy in 17C is the husband of the wife in 17B and the father of the child in 17A. He seems very preoccupied with the endowment of the woman next to me in 17E, which is quite an accomplishment, as he has to stare over the aisle, over the guy in 17D and avoid not being seen by any of us. Suffice to say, he failed. If only his wife could have seen …
I didn’t have anything to read on this flight, choosing instead to listen to my Mahan Khalsa “Let’s Get Real or Let’s Not Play” training series. However, from time to time I found myself reading “over the shoulder” of the woman in 17E. What’s the etiquette on that, anyway? Regardless, there were a few uncomfortable moments where I would swear she thought I was “staring” when in fact I was indeed reading a story in People magazine.
The pilot, lacking complete tact, makes an announcement that basically states, “Hey! Those of you in coach … don’t even think of coming up here into first class and disturbing the passengers.” Most flights I’ve been on as of late hide this message under the guise of “increased security,” which sends the wonderful message of, “Hey! Those of you in coach … we don’t trust you so just stay in your seats!” It’s true. In fact, try out this little test … when flying coach and the fasten seatbelt sign is on, stand up and start taking something out of the overhead compartment. Go on, I dare you. I bet within seconds of you doing so, one of the waitresses with wings will make an announcement about how the fasten seatbelt sign is on and for your safety and the safety of those around you, they ask that you please respect it. Now, try the same thing in first class. Hell, I bet you could run up and down the aisle of the entire plane as a first class passenger and they wouldn’t give it a second thought. Mind you, I’m not bitter over this as I fly first class more often than not these days as an “upgrade” passenger. I just find it wild the difference in treatment between the two sets of passengers when there’s very little that separates the two classes of people on most flights (i.e., the majority of passengers in first class would be in coach if they didn’t jockey for position and leverage their frequent flyer status to “upgrade.”)
After landing and visiting the restroom, there were two things that caught my attention. The first was the big, sweaty fat guy who, rather than using the privacy of a stall, found it necessary to drop his pants at the sink and completely readjust himself. The second thing was the looping audio announcement informing all passengers to not leave bags unattended, to not take items from strangers and take precautions to avoid accidentally carrying “dangerous” items onto the plane. It would seem that I’m not the only one who has little faith in the TSAs ability to prevent “dangerous” items from getting through the security checkpoint. I mean, if we had confidence in their ability to locate “dangerous” items, would there really be a need to notify me continually about not accepting said items?
Which reminds me … two weeks ago I flew first class on three of four legs, each of which served lunch or dinner. The airlines – ever safety conscious – give you a grey plastic knife along side a metal fork and spoon. Somehow masking the knife in grey is supposed to make it feel more elegant than simply including a standard white picnic knife. Obviously, someone thought that it would be possible to hijack a plane – God forbid even threaten someone – with a butter knife. When are they going to realize I could probably do more damage with the fork than I could with the knife?
I can’t wait for the return trip.